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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by kafka, Nov 13, 2017.
Something I already wanted suffered a huge price drop.
In other words, I got it cheap.
I remember that one!
"No excuse, Drill Sergeant!"
Those four words got me out of trouble several times.
One time about a half dozen did some stupid thing or didn't do something we were supposed or got caught effing off, whatever...
Anyway, they lined us up outside the mess hall and had us go in one at a time. I was last in line as usual (everything is alphabetical in the army) and each guy would enter and I could hear them through the window "What's you excuse, private?" and each guy would try to come up with some lame excuse. As soon as the words were out of his mouth the drill sergeant would start screaming at him to do push-ups, generally cussing him out and belittling him the whole time.
After that he would be given a week of extra duty and sent out the door.
When my turn came and he said "What's your excuse, Private?" I remembered the advice that a sergeant at the reception station had given us and blurted out "No excuse, Drill Sergeant!"
He looked at me, chuckled a bit and said "Get out here, numb nuts."* No push-ups, no extra duty, no screaming, no muss, no fuss. The other guys couldn't believe I walked out of it with nothing.
* what he actually called me was far more profane but I'd never be able to say it on here.
The Buffalo Theory
WELL YA SEE, NORM, IT’S LIKE THIS… A HERD OF BUFFALO CAN ONLY MOVE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BUFFALO. AND WHEN THE HERD IS HUNTED, IT IS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST ONES AT THE BACK THAT ARE KILLED FIRST. THIS NATURAL SELECTION IS GOOD FOR THE HERD AS A WHOLE, BECAUSE THE GENERAL SPEED AND HEALTH OF THE WHOLE GROUP KEEPS IMPROVING BY THE REGULAR KILLING OF THE WEAKEST MEMBERS.IN MUCH THE SAME WAY, THE HUMAN BRAIN CAN ONLY OPERATE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BRAIN CELLS. EXCESSIVE INTAKE OF ALCOHOL, AS WE KNOW, KILLS BRAIN CELLS. BUT NATURALLY IT ATTACKS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST BRAIN CELLS FIRST. IN THIS WAY, REGULAR CONSUMPTION OF BEER ELIMINATES THE WEAKER BRAIN CELLS, MAKING THE BRAIN A FASTER AND MORE EFFICIENT MACHINE. THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS FEEL SMARTER AFTER A FEW BEERS.”
It's an electric guitar, i thought I was supposed to plug it into the wall socket ....
I've been framed!
i wasn't there .. and if i was ....i was sleeping
I can't be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.
I wasn't listening ...
My wife knows that excuse to be very true so I can get away with it whenever I need to
ignore those videos, it wasn`t me
I ate my homework
”What's your excuse?”
How much time you got?
I’m late because Serbia & Kosovo are having a power dispute: https://mobile.twitter.com/JohnHyphen/status/971402820091105282
Honest, it just jumped into my hand!
I thought it was a fart...
The dog did it.
It wasn't me, it was uriah1. Honest.